So... on Sun, I set forth on a quest wrought with much ambivalence and pangs of sadness. I emailed about 35 shelters and rescues in CA. I began receiving the nicest emails back from some pretty amazing people out there. Most people who couldn't help Roxxie expressed how sorry they were and provided suggestions and leads to other possible resources. Since then I have contacted more places. I have placed her on a courtesy listing on petswithdisabilities.org and will also place an ad on petsfinder.com. I spoke with Lisa over at the Santa Cruz SPCA and they will also post a courtesy listing for me. I have to also get together a flyer to send to another facility, as they have said that they can post it in their office. I am truly touched and astounded by the responses that I have gotten. And I never knew there were so many rescues out there and facilities that take care of senior dogs and dogs with disabilities.
I was turned onto a place called Home For Life out in Minnesota by Betsy from Animal Assistance League of Orange County Helpline. She said that their kennel was not appropriate for Roxxie, but that after talking with one of her associates about Roxxie, she suggested Home For Life. Betsy even contacted them herself to tell them about Roxxie's situation. Betsy visits Minnesota annually and was born there...and she's hoping to get out there in June to visit the sanctuary. And what was so touching was that she thanked me for taking such good care of Roxxie. Anyway, after checking out the website and seeing what an amazing place it looks like, I want to go and volunteer there one of these days. If I end up taking Roxxie there, I will definitely make it a spot that I go to every opportunity I get to visit her and be with her. I have contacted Home For Life myself and there is an intake process, and Roxxie meets their criteria. They don't know when a space will open up as they take care of pets for life and a passing of one of the dogs there would dictate an open spot.
This has been such a painful process. Here is a brief story of what happened to Roxxie. Roxxie was a stray from San Francisco. My aunt adopted her, but was unable to keep her so I took her in. She has been with me since she was a little puppy. She has lived with me in Daly City, South San Francisco, and Foster City. Roxxie was a very active and very affectionate puppy who loved to play with other dogs and loves being around people. Her favorite place is of course -- Fort Funston. Fast forward...in Dec. 2008, Roxxie hurt her right stifle resulting in an anterior cruciate ligament tear. It seemed to scar up, but then she developed osteoarthritis in both her hips. I took her to an acupuncturist and tried that for about 3 months with little improvement in her mobility. In June 2009 I sold my condo so that I can better take care of her. In Nov. 2009, her condition worsened where she had such difficulty walking. In mid Nov. she was almost paralyzed resulting in me taking her into the emergency at Pets Unlimited in San Francisco. She was then referred to a neurosurgeon, Dr. Lisa Klopp of Sam's Clinic, in Mill Valley. She then had an MRI done of her spine and was determined that she had multiple disc extrusions along her spine compressing on her spinal cord. She also has spondylitis in her tail. In early Dec I sought physical therapy once/week at Scout's House in Menlo Park. In Jan 2010, a right T13-L1, L1-L2 hemilaminectomy was performed by Dr. Klopp. After the surgery, physical rehab was started at The Sam's Clinic of 2x/week. I took her home on the weekends and brought her back to have her medically boarded there at the Sam's Clinic for the next 3 weeks with 2x/week of physical rehab. Roxxie really warmed up to the staff there at Sam's Clinic and looked forward to her Monday morning car rides there. (She LOVES car rides) And she loved doing hydrotherapy. After bringing her home, I continued with physical rehab at Scout's House every Sat and had our last session on March 20th. After not seeing a vast improvement in strength for walking on her own, we have decided to stop it for now. I have purchased a counter balanced cart for her from Eddie's Wheels, which she stared using beginning of March. This is how she gets around now and she has had several cart accidents, but as of late it has been working out wonderfully for her. Although I realize that finding her a home is the "right" thing to do since my back and shoulder has suffered from helping her walk with a rear harness for 8 months and now getting her in and out of the cart, it still makes this process pretty damn painful.
As I drove home after work today, tears filled my eyes and began to percolate into every pore of my face. These tears were multifaceted -- they were of sadness, joy, love, peace, and gratitude. When I get home, I am always greeted by Roxxie who is always so excited to see me... she rolls on her back and puts up her little paw and I give her little scratches on her chest, chin, and her head. Today was different because I was painfully aware that I may not have that much more time to spend with her. I walked upstairs to put my stuff down and immediately came back downstairs to be with her. She rolled on her back, cocked her head back and gave me a tonne of kisses. And as she laid her head on my lap and placed her arm around my leg, I felt my heart crack wide open. As I continued to snuggle with her, it really felt like I was present to her in that moment....nothing else seemed to matter except this loving interaction between us. It's kinda hard to explain, but everything else seemed to exist outside of that time and space. None of the uncertainties in my life mattered and all the mental chatter dissolved into nothingness. This incandescent moment will forever be etched in my memory bank.
I wonder why it is that we often recognize how important something is in our lives during moments of losing it or having lost it? It's like that saying, "you never know a good thing until it's gone". I wonder why it's easier to appreciate what you had after it's gone than when it is still in your life? Is it just human nature to take things for granted? I wonder how we can practice being mindful and appreciate the people/animals in our lives while they are still in our lives? I guess that is where I'm at right now with Roxxie. It will be interesting to see how mindful I can be to appreciate each moment I have with her. It has already started with our walks. Our walks are tremendously meaningful now. It is no longer about her taking care of business or just chasing after the next cat she spots along the way. It has become a time for us to bond. She has been an incredible teacher and I am filled with so much gratitude that she has come into my life. She has shown me so much... one of which is the true meaning of unconditional love expressed and "lived" in each moment.
Here are some random pics of Roxxie.
Roxxie when I first adopted her.
Poor lil Roxxie after the surgery.
Look how happy Roxxie was in doing hydrotherapy.
Roxxie's cool wheels.
Roxxie resting her head on her Tempurpedic Pillow
Roxxie in my brother's backyard.
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